We have been involved in hundreds of divorces and wonderful co-parenting stories over the past three years. Our focus is to supply accurate information and to do our bit to change the way the current system attempts to help our children.
The fact is that the legal system will take 5 to 10 years to make the needed changes. This implies that our children will simply have to wait and as parents, we cannot accept this.
The only way is to educate ourselves as parents and by doing so, helping ourselves to help our children. The biggest problem you would probably say is that TWO dedicated and loving parents are needed for this to work! Remember, if the other parent does not or cannot work with, at least your child will have and experience the correct way from your side - "...accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
Loads of research have been done over many years regarding the different parenting styles and which one is better and why.
In terms of the co-parenting environment, we have looked at parenting styles/parent types and arrived at the idea that two styles exist: Respectful and Disrespectful parents. Have a look at the some characteristics. Don't laugh at some of them, these are based on facts!
- Focused on the child's emotional needs as well as physical needs
- Knowledge that we are all human and make mistakes
- Treat children with respect and are big enough to apologize to them
- Always keen to learn more about parenting
- Will respect the other parent as 50% of your child and will never make derogatory statements about the other parent because of the understanding that this only damages your child
- Will always be civil to the other parent in front of your child - as difficult as that might be
- Will always be a positive and good roll model to your child - no matter how difficult things are
- Will respect your child enough to actively communicate with the other parent. If not possible, to communicate through a mediator
- Will never allow family members to make negative comments about the other parent, although they mostly mean well, and will educate them as necessary
- Will seek adult help if needed and not take adult issues out on your child
- Never lie to your child
- Run and hide in your room when your child is being picked up of dropped off
- Not be emotionally available to your child
- Ignoring your child when they say that your new partner is abusive when you are not around
- Allow your new partner to alienate your child against the other parent
- Tell your ex that he/she is "disturbed" - you loved this person enough to have children with at some point? Who is disturbed?
- Locking your child outside for hours when calling the other parent
- Choose a new partner that is of low character and an extremely poor role model to your child
- Buying a pool and inviting your childs friends so that your child "prefers" not to visit the other parent
- Not have a Parenting Plan in place
- Ignoring court orders/dates
- Be so focused on your hate/pain/shame/anger that you neglect your child
- Allow yourself to live in hate without sorting it out - you are disrespectful to yourself
- Move to a different city/town without a valid reason, making contact hard between your child and the other parent
- Make make false allegations against the other parent
Posted by CoParenting